Inept Cain and Able Obama

by Sean Paul Ashley
Herman Cain is a circus sideshow. With acrobatic skill, Cain has accomplished the singular anatomical feat of managing to stand his ground with a foot in his mouth. Even more mind-boggling: Herman Cain can throw race cards faster than a speeding bullet, is tougher than Niggerhead rock, and can leap democratic plantations with a single bound.

Disclaimer – I do not like Herman Cain.

Surprisingly, it is not because he is a black conservative. The term black conservative has always struck me, as near oxymoronic, on par with, oh, benign neglect or separate but equal. Herman Cain is, however, fully moronic.

The black conservative community has, to its credit, produced some able and articulate agents in the form of Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell. While Rice and Powell largely muted the issue of race, Cain has decided to do the exact opposite. Using folksy, down-home idioms, such as “shuck-ducky”, and referring to himself as “Cornbread”, Herman Cain is making a minstrel’s mockery of the electoral season. Even further, Cain has demonstrated no coherent knowledge of economic theory, foreign policy and has claimed that global warming is “poppycock”.

While these intellectual and political stances, or lack thereof, have solidified his credentials as a 2012 Republic Presidential candidate, it is not that with which I take issue.

Herman Cain is a fraud. He is deliberately and maliciously exploiting blackness in a way that would make even Al Jolson blush. In claiming that he “left the Democrat plantation a long time ago” and that he, “as an American black conservative” “is in a position to be able to speak my mind and tell the truth and wake people up”, Cain is attempting to extort black support and deflect black criticism by condemning blacks being “brainwashed” to vote liberally. It seems that Cain is claiming that racial discrimination has beaten black Americans, do pardon the pun, black-and-blue.

Herman Cain can talk til he’s red in the face, because black America’s loyalties belong to Obama, now and forever, Amen.

And that ain’t no jive, Herman.

It is not because black America is universally allied around Obama. On the contrary, Obama has suffered blistering criticism from his black supporters. But the fact remains that Obama, rather than ridicule black Americans as “lazy”, has attempted to repair the economy despite his legislation meeting frustrations and filibusters. Though Obama’s “change” has been stymied by a congress opposed to progress, Obama remains committed to resuscitating employment and advocating the welfare state. While ABC News claims “Cain’s [9-9-9 tax] plan would be a tax hike for the lower middle class and a tax windfall for the wealthy”, Obama’s American jobs act has raised taxes on the rich, while easing the burdens on the poor.

Well, Herman says phooey on that racial Robin Hood-ism. Herman Cain’s policy on racial matters is a blunt “do it yourself”, to the black community. Cain claims that blacks ought to follow his example: pulling himself up by his bootstraps to make his name as the CEO of Godfather’s pizza who exemplifies black self-sufficiency, patience and longsuffering. And yea, Herman said, blessed are the cheese-makers, for they shall be called the children of Godfather’s pizza.

And I suppose the meek shall inherit the earth too. When the rest of white America is done with it.

For black Americans, who have had to take up the white man’s burden for years as domestic workers and underpaid laborers, living hand to mouth while one percent of Americans make money hand over fist, just isn’t cutting it. And Herman Cain might not only have his foot in his mouth, but also his head in his hindquarters, if he thinks that tax cuts for the wealthy will help. Under Republican presidents, the top one percent of Americans has experienced massive after-tax income growths, while the middle classes have been more or less steady. So take heed black America – the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the democratic plantation.

So yes, Herman Cain is black: a black-hearted blackguard attempting to blackmail black folk.

And in what’s shaping up to be a knock-em-down pugilistic political season, I hope he gets a black eye to match.